Chocolate Sex

OK, first of all. Happy August! Month of my sister's birth, along with many other illustrious sorts of people. Here is some trivia of people born on August 25th, a day without which nothing fun would have ever entered the world:

-elvis costello (the first time i typed elvis i typed "elvix," and now i sincerely wish that were actually his name)

-blake lively

-kel mitchell

-tim burton

-rachel bilson

-gene simmons

-sean connery

-billy ray cyrus

i think it is safe to say that i have never seen a list of birthday-sharers that so perfectly encapsulates a person. anyway. ON TO ICE CREAM. 

the title of this entry comes from this perfect, terrible little book in residence at my home,

which basically consists of vintage photographs with really soft, hazy lighting, and then big gregarious pictures of chocolate superimposed. needless to say, it was like three ratings on the MPAA rating system scale further down than my housemates and I were hoping for. 

so yes, it is true. this weekend i tackled chocolate ice cream. i wouldn't say "tackled," so much, actually, as "got to immerse myself in delicious chocolatey things all day sunday and then put them in my mouth." 

let's get down to it. this is one of the two basic chocolate recipes in my ice cream recipe book, and it seemed like the one with less texture and a richer flavor. which is funny, considering how it turned out. but i'm getting ahead of myself. here is the recipe:

4 oz unsweetened chocolate

1 cup milk (i used 2%)

2 eggs

1 cup sugar

1 cup heavy or whipping cream

1 tsp vanilla

1 pinch salt (brings out the chocolate flavor- don't forget this step!)

alrighty. right off the bat, i'll tell you that i digressed from the recipe in a pretty substantial way, because i do not own a double broiler. you are always supposed to melt chocolate in one of these, so it doesn't burn. so if you HAVE a double broiler, godspeed. heat the water in the bottom until it is hot, not boiling, and add the chocolate in the top. 

what I did, however, was just throw some o' the ol' chocolate into a pot. 

and i kept the heat on really low. when it was just about all melted, i added the milk. if you have the double broiler, add the milk slowly, making sure not to let it boil. if you are ME, add the milk however you want it, and take the pan off the flame right away because it will boil immediately. 

i'll tell you now, to ruin the surprise but also to let you know what you're getting into, my way resulted in a texturized ice cream at the end. there are little bits of chocolate that are more solid than liquid. i like how it turned out a lot, and i think it matches the richness of the flavor. if something is entirely smooth and totally rich, i tend to freak out a little. i have a thing with decadence. i don't handle it very well. but if it's weird and not entirely smooth, then i think to myself "ah yes. of course it is this rich and chocolatey tasting, it has little bumpies in it." this paragraph makes me sound insane.

MOVING ON. 

after the pan has been removed from heat, mix the eggs and sugar a little at a time, whisking until light and fluffy (albeit a pretty nasty color and consistency. HAVE FAITH. it gets better.)

add the cream, vanilla and salt. blend completely. 

add the chocolate mixture to the egg mixture, blend. should by now look something like this:

cover and refrigerate until cold. this should be a little more than an hour, unless your fridge is awful. then it should be about three. mine is more on the awful end. 

when cold, add to ice cream maker, let run 25-35 minutes until it's the consistency you're looking for. now is when i will tell you that when i went into the kitchen after half an hour to check on the ice cream, i realized that i had actually succeeded in making perfect ice cream. both of my last two recipes came out a little slush-y, which worked in both cases and froze to become more solid. but THIS one was EXACTLY PERFECT to the point that i danced around in my house all by myself because i was so proud of myself. here is a picture of this fantasy-inspiring texture:

this is by far the most delicious recipe yet, and perhaps the most delicious thing i have ever cooked in all my life. does it count as cooking, if it's cold? hm. anyway. i quietly believe this ice cream could bring about world peace if i told the right people about it. 

eat yo' hearts out, fools!